Thursday, December 12, 2013


Life tends to happen to us when we're not paying attention.  Sometimes it goes okay, and sometimes when we wake back up we realize how much we've missed. So many opportunities that we let slip through our fingers without using them to their full potential. So many decisions we just didn't make and just let things happen - later we realize that not choosing - is still choosing, its just a poor choice usually.

So much has happened this year - and as i look back on it i realize how much i wish i had done. I don't like this feeling.

but, being engaged every single day and choosing to live fully every single day is hard. It's tiring, sometimes it hurts, sometimes its easy, sometimes your too tired from living the day before, and sometimes you just don't want to.

self doubt and fear control so much of our lives - it's really annoying actually. and this is probably one of the hardest things to choose not to believe. It has a strange way of just creeping up on us, we don't realize we're agreeing with it until it has grown into a huge monster that is eating us alive - pulling us down with it, and tear us apart from the inside out. and then, it's a full out war to get it back under control and into its cave. but, then we're so tired from waging war that we don't seal up the cave fully, we leave loose stones, or small cracks - and eventually, the monster finds his way back out and back into our lives - and it continues - over and over.

i can't decide whether the monster gets stronger or weaker each time. that's still up for debate.

how can we learn to keep up the fight - to not get lazy. how many battles does it take for us to realize the benefit of staying on our guard and not sitting down. yeah, it may be tiring to always be ready to fight - but, its easier to wage small battles than to win a war against a giant smelly ugly monster.

when will we decide to choose to live a fully engaged life everyday?

and, if we do that - what will it change?

how different will our lives be. will they be happier? will we have more friends? will we have more life changing conversations? will they hurt more because we're doing real life with others? will we see the reality of the world around us? will we see the joy in the small things? will we spend our time on different things? how will it change us?

so, don't wait till you wake up one day and realize how much life you have missed - choose to engage now. start fighting,and start living. experience life to the fullest - look up from your phone and breath in the life and beauty around you.